Saturday

It's Saturday.  I have a Saturday to spend with my best friend watching movies and doing nothing.  I am very excited about this!  Since last night, we've already watched four movies and are on our fifth.  I've needed some days like this.  It's been a stressful week this week.  I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of not feeling settled, and I'm tired of each situation in my life being so crazy and unstable.
I posted the other day about perspective.  Maybe what I've needed is perspective.  A little perspective may help in my situation.  Its hard to maintain perspective when things keep piling on and you feel like you can't keep your head above water.  There are days that are spend feeling as if I'm drowning, as if I'm floating along in life completely alone even though I'm around friends so much of the time.  It feels that I can't explain what I'm feeling or what I'm going on in my brain.  No one feels what I'm feeling.  No one can understand what's going on with my life.  People's stories are similar and we can commiserate somewhat due to similarities in circumstances, but no one knows what I'm feeling.  My perspective right now is very self-centered.  I understand that.  I know that I'm focusing on me right now.  It feels like I need to protect myself right now.  I now that I have walls up and don't want to let people in like I should, even people that I'm good friends with, but I think that's part of my perspective.  I need to refocus, I think.  It will take some thinking about. 

Thankful Thing #1
I am so thankful for my nieces.  They make me smile just looking at pictures of them.  I miss them terribly, and miss talking to them as much and hearing their voices.  I can't wait to see them at Christmas!  They are so funny! 

Thankful Thing #2
I am thankful that I had seven months with my grandmother before she passed away.  I don't know what I would have done if I had still been in Texas when she passed.  I miss her everyday, some days more than others.  I miss that she listened without talking over me.  I miss that she could tell in my voice if I'd had a bad day.  I miss being able to just talk to her.  I'm so thankful that she was my grandma. 

Thankful Thing #3
I am thankful for sunsets.  Its trite, I understand.  But I am so thankful that each night there are not clouds in the sky, I can see such beautiful colors and patterns in the sky that no earthly artist could ever make.  I am so thankful that a sunset makes me remember that a new day is coming.  Each sunset means I've lived another day and what kind of difference did I make in that day?  Who did I help?
I can stand in awe each evening at each sunset and the colors that are produced.  So many evenings, I wish I could just curl up with a cup of coffee, a snuggle buddy and watch the sunset until the only color in the sky is black.