The Letter

As wordy as I can be at times, when it comes to confronting someone about an issue I have with them, I falter.  I will readily admit this.  There are times when I need to confront some one that writing a letter is the only option I have is to write a letter to get my point across.  There have been times when I have been able to speak my mind and to say what I needed to say.  However, those occasions were when the issue is so black and white, that I know there is no interpretation but what I'm confronting that person with.  However, there are times when people have hurt you and they may not always see it that way that I struggle confronting them with it.  I have found that writing a letter helps get my point across and gives the other person time to process my point of view and what I'm saying.
In seeking some counseling in dealing with what began as dealing with my father's lying, habits, and treatment of my family and developed into me having to deal with my mother and the issues I've had with her for quite a while.  In dealing with all these issues, I have come to realize that she has been controlling my life for all my life, both with my permission and without.  On Saturday, I was talking to my best friend, who encouraged me to seek counseling and then sought counseling for his own personal issues.  He had gone to his counselor and the counselor had determined that he no longer needed regular counseling appointments.  He told me that the counselor had explained that his need for counseling was to simply reset himself and his way of thinking.  That got me to thinking, as his retelling of his appointments usually do, that if it was that simple, why had I not done that before.  I began to think that I had written a letter to my mom and explained my position and thoughts.  That was all I could and was the best I could do.  I had to let it go.  While sitting in church on Sunday  morning,  I came up with the following insights.
"I've written my letter.  I've said my piece.  I need to let go now.  I need to move on past the malarkey.  The malarkey is holding me back.  My other relationships are hurting because I'm holding onto this crap.  She's had control of my life for so long.  I can't keep letting her control me like this.  If she doesn't want to talk about it, that's her problem, not mine.  I've done the right thing.  I went to her and told her how I'm feeling.  I didn't blame her 100%, but I did make my point.  I drew boundaries.  If she doesn't like that or respect that, that's not my problem.  I need to let go!!  I have to let go!  I have to do this to improve me.  My emotional & mental health depend on me letting go.  She CANNOT have control anymore.  Allowing her to bring me down at this point is my fault and my fault alone."
I'm not cured.  I'm not delusional.  But, I already feel a great weight being lifted from coming to this conclusion.
Know that confronting your issues, whatever they are, is not easy, but it is necessary.  I'm speaking from a place of knowing that there is still a lot of work to be done for me to be "better", but I am willing to do the work.  I have to look at it realistically.  I want a wonderful life with a husband and kids.  To obtain these things, I have to get better, I have to deal with all of this.